Real Life!

Ada sesetengah orang diorang memang hidup tak sedar diri. Wah, pedas ayat gitu kan! Allah bagi diorang susah sebab nak diorang back to reality yang hidup ni memang susah, kena usaha, kena tawakkal etc. Benda ni simple nak faham unless kita kurang ajaran yang betul so kita memang tak faham.

Dahla hidup susah, solat pun tak nak, tak ke hina namanya tu? Time - time susah tu sempat jugak buat benda tak elok la macam - macam la. For me, orang yang macamni sebab the failure to understand what iman is and kurangnya didikan agama mak pak diorang. Okey, tak baik salahkan mak bapak tapi what you are actually what your parents shape you.

Salah ajaran bawa ke mati.

Ini post apa ni? Nak kata post lepas geram tak juga, marah tak juga, kecewa mungkin because I trust that person the most in life and I never imagine that 'the person' doing this to me. Mula - mula memang tak ada apa-apa, lama kalau dibiarkan melarat. Dah la miskin tak sedar diri, kalau kaya raya, duit melimpah ruah tak tahula macamana. Tula pasal Allah still sekat rezeki 'orang' itu sebab mungkin niatnya tak berapa baik, mungkin kalau kaya lagi haru biru  jadinya. Itu yang dia kurang faham, itu sebab saya kata dia kurang ajaran agama.

I must say pengaruh kawan jugak sebab lately kawan - kawannya itu tidak berapa bagus pada pandangan mata saya and my sixth sense is quit strong.

Saya cuma harap dia diberi petunjuk ke jalan yang benar. Percaya? Mungkin tak lagi, sekali ditipu selamanya tak percaya, lived with that!

Zara O Zara

Rata - rata Fbians dok post Zara's speech on socioeconomic seminar. Zara and all, I feel you. I do really. When I start working back 2007, office kat Subang Perdana, naik Myvi, gaji RM 1k plus plus (starter degree in standard private co), after EPF Socso, dapatla around RM15XX.bayar kereta RM500.00, minyak, tol, bayar ptptn, bil telefon, bil internet, bil astro mak, makan lagi, ngam ngam ho, ade simpan sikit. Lepas hujung bulan, dok fikir-fikir takkan macamni dunia kerja????

Then, naik gaji sikit demi sikit. Slowly, I sat down thinking and in the middle of 2008, I decided to further study. Ambil MBA, because I know that with little knowledge, we could improve. Percayalah.

I habiskan MBA lama because time tula nak kahwin nya, nak dapat anaknya, cuti sem 2 semester because I got this evening sickness yang teruk. Kelas masa tu Evening Track method, after work, I tak boleh concentrate belajar, but finally habis juga masa tengah pregnantkan Mikha I convo. I am a proud mummy that time. Yes, company promote and gaji pun naik.

That's how we could improve, Zara. Kalau kau nak the hard way pun boleh, carik side income, jual la kain tudung ke hape ke kat IG, FB bagai-bagai kalau tak minat nak sambung belajar. If not, kau tau there were certain people doing Forex, diorang jadi kaya raya by analyzing trade exchange, itupun kalau ilmu cukup di dada. Perlukan determination.

Kita ni golongan pertengahan Zara, kita paling ter impact sekali dengan keadaan socio economi sekarang. Tinggal di tengah-tengah bandar besar, belanja besar. Diorang yang kau dok bercerita tu bukan tau ape, (mungkin ada yang faham). 

Dia dari kecik dah kaya raya, mak bapak dari keturunan nenek moyang dah kaya, bila lahir, lahir atas duit, so when we talked about kesusahan, I don't know that he could understand that. He won't. Kalau ada yang bagi komen sengal "Sebab sape yang undi dia". Malas nak baca komen orang sengal. You know that, when people vote, they vote the party, not the individual. So kalau individu yang gunakan kepentingan party untuk diri sendiri, salah pengundi ke?

Kita undi party sebab kita nak kestabilan politik, kau tau tak, kalau belajar ekonomi, one the effect towards the country economy is stability of politic. Itulah kalau kau tak tahu dik, kau jangan main sengal taip sana sini konon keyboard warior, pergi belajar dulu .

Sebab itu aku rasa bengang bila matawang jatuh tv3 kata bagus sebab banyak Singaporean belanja kat JB so peniaga dapat untung banyak. Sorang lagi tak belajar ekonomi. If they were too much demand from Singaporean of course, the price will up then (but for them still cheap), how about Malaysian? Malaysian buyer la yang terkesan! Singaporean buyer hu ha hu ha beli bawak balik Singapore. Diorang semua ni tidur agaknya masa kelas ekonomi, tak tahu konsep equilibrium tu ape!

Konsep kehidupan kita sekarang ni, lumba lah selagi perlu. Berlumba cari ilmu, improvekan diri, kalau ada duit, pergi shopping kasut raya, kalau takde guna ke yang lama punya, jangan pakai kredit kad, nanti stress tak dapat bayar lepas raya.

Live simply, doa banyak-bayak kat Allah, semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan.

Siapa nak show off beli tudung sana sini, kasut cantik bagai-bagai, sila kan. Jangan ikut, relax je. Chill je kalau anak orang pakai kasut Poney, anak kita pakai kasut lelong. Hahahahahahh.

Buat kata Jo Frost, "do not put price for your love towards your children, they know nothing!"

Love yourself, love your family. Paling penting solat.

P/S: "I am at the best when I sujud" (Nangis)

J.I.H.A.D

Pagi - pagi mata dah berhabuk. Itula kalau baca all posts kat DSG. Cerita motivational; buat novel pun boleh, drama swasta pun boleh. You all never knew how was the journey untill you are in the same shoes. Cerita jatuh bangun. 

We called ourselves one of those doing jihad. Saat - saat burung - burung pun doakan kami. Waktu tertekan tiada apa boleh ditulis. Jihad tu terlalu luas pengertiannya. Bukan setakat pergi berperang. Please remember that. 

Our journey bukan takat duduk - duduk kat library, on FB, chat sana sini (even ada masa buat camtu). Hahahahahh. we lived, we eat and even when we dream, we dreams about our research. Gitu kau! Kadang - kadang baru nak tidur, ada idea nak tulis apa. Hahahahaahh

I rarely pergi library during Ramadhan . I got this one workstation at ipsis. I loved to stay there, alone, not knowing each other was better, dari menyembang je at the end. Tapi kalau ada accompany would be good too, boleh pegi lunch together and share some thought.

DSG Group memang wajib join for those buat research tak kisahla phd or master. Group Mybrain join for those yang dapat allowances. Kadang - kadang orang yang berjihad ni tanya soalan bukan - bukan jugak. Jawapannya boleh dapat IF YOU CAN READ! Memang harus kena sound kalau tanya soalan-soalan stupid in DGS or MyBrain wall. Tak tahu apesal Malaysian student ni malas sangat nak baca. Everything was there, all you need is to read, that's all.

Eh eh, ni peringatan untuk diri sendiri. Heeheheh. 

Mudah - mudahan perjalanan saya kali ini dilimpahi rahmat dan menjadi sesorang lebih baik, baik dari dalaman dan luaran dan semoga pengajian kali ini lebih mendekatkan diri ini dengan Yang Esa. In sya Allah. Aminnnn

Salam 21 Ramdahan

Salam 14 Ramadhan

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Harini dah 14 Ramadhan. Ya Allah cepat masa berlalu. Rasa macam semalam baru start puasa. Minta - minta di lambat kan Ramadhan kali ni. Jangan la cepat sangat.

Letih puasa kali ni lain macam rasanya. Pagi tadi kelam kabut sebelum keluar pergi ipsis, tak jumpa gelang nikah and cincin tunang. Dia punya kelam kabut dah macam apa. Ada je dalam beg. Bila mata dibutakan hati. Melulu tak tentu pasal.

Rutin selepas habis training tu mula-mula I tought I just stay je kat library but since Ida pun dah deliver, dia dah siap defence semua, so macam malas nak pergi library dah. I choose ipsis, workstation baru. Sampai setiap pukul 10. Hahahah. Tapi still ada parking lagi. Takla teruk sangat macam fac.

I nak defence October ni whatever it takes. Harini dah 1st July. Hopefully dapat siapkan 200 pages (sekarang baru 23). I don't want to lose hope. Huhuhuh. Kena siapkan cepat sebab nak pergi buat proofreading lagi. Pharaprasing lagi. Ape lagi la semua.

Ya Allah tolong la hambaMu ini.

Ni Diyana defence

Ni Ida defence

Alhamdulillah kedua-duanya lulus!

Future Dr Diyana and Dr Yusmazida. My turn next! In sya Allah.

Basuh Kaki

Habit ni masa kecik-kecik dah ada. I can't help myself from doing this basuh kaki setiap sejam, dua jam..camtulah. Tapi bila kerja habit ni hilang. Just few months back (bila dah tak kerja) and I keep spend time at home kan, habit ni datang balik.

Sikit - sikit basuh kaki. And every time I am doing this, I smile, tersengih sorang -sorang sebab teringat kat mak yang asyik marah masa kecik - kecik dulu sebab asyik la basuh kaki.

Sebab macam ada rasa debu kat kaki so I love to wash my feet. Pastu rasa bersih, bila rasa debu balik pergi basuh balik. Hahaahah.

Ada habit kita susah nak hilangkan ni la salah satunya. Basuh kaki. Hahahhahaha.

Sambil tulis post ni pun senyum sorang-sorang.

Heehehhehe

Last Day..

Finally, I have finished training innovation in entrepreneurship known as tie. We are the pioneer of the program and the lecturers said it is going to be on compulsory for semester one student (even I am not so semester one kinda like that). Almost two months we work together, group assignment and so forth and on the last day tu sangat lah sedihnya. All of us are going back to our faculty (we are from different faculty).

The last assignment the presentation that we made to Alam (one of the public listed company) tu quit frustrated sikit. Camtu la. We learned that not everyone will appreciate value (what we tried to put in the company) because they think that they are better than us. Because they were in  the industry so many years. Semua orang just smiles along sebab we are an educated people tak boleh melatah terlampau cepat. Kena cool. 

The best part ever when one of the staff said to us "I don't believe in Malaysian education system, I came from zero, had only SPM." He said that in front of our professors, all those educated people and in fact, the managers all are masters graduated. Well, we don't judge you, either you have higher education or not, it is not our task. The only  tasks that we are trying to solve are your risk management. 

They are defensive then, bila kita suggest cakap semua dah ada solution tu, bila kita measure risk kat company dia, dia kata that is not the main issues. Come on la, berpijakla kat bumi yang nyata, we outsider see what you don't. That is why orang Melayu susah sangat nak sustain, that is the problem. Bila kat atas, lupa dah orang yang kat bawah ni. 

In my group, myself and Ninie je yang beria defence because I know that Abg Hafiz and Kak Saleha dah tak kuasa nak argue. The other group, Dayah je yang defence all way long. Farhan and Sha senyum je, Mzi dah buat muka. Another group, memang kena kaw dengan Abang Zul sampai CEO dia refuse to pandang muka Abg Zul.

In fact siap cakap, this is not the doctorate level, we expect more than you. Aiyo, this is free of charge kut, kalau berbayar tu lain cerita. Orang suruh buat sistem baru pun dia tak mahu buat, costing katanya.

I asked them (I am  HR management risk) ada tak overseas vacation? Takde. Sports day? Tahun ni tak ada, budget. Family day? Takde. You see, to the extent memang company kau tak best, how to keep your Gen Y from resigning? Then MD dia kata retain is not the issue, performance then. Masya Allah! Padahal turnover rate kau tinggi pakcik oi! And I said "Datuk, Gen Y need some value to stay." And he said, " I already give all, they still resign!" Tak mengaku jugak tu!

Bila fikir - fikir balik, geram juga. Kita bukan nak bergaduh, kita nak buat risk management. I will remember that pinky captain for the rest of my life. Kau cakap education takde value? My foot! Kau yang tak pandai belajar sampai masuk U, kau nak salahkan people like us!

After the final presentation, we got back to reality, back to our thesis. Ramai dah defence semester ni, but myself tak defence lagi. Kak sheri dah sound dah, "come on Dee, when is your turn?" Huhuhuhuhu

I already discuss with Dr SS, he already agree with my new variables, so  I will started writing la ni kak sheri. Please wish me luck. It is a long way to go.

To friends in TIE, I love you all. Keep it up. We should defence the greatest, with all the approaches. NABC la business plan la amende la. " Apa yang cuba jual dik?" Haahhahaah. Dayah, please remember the words. Hahahahah.

Life, please be good to me!

Ruang Waktu

I plan my day, even ada yang dah terkeluar dari planning. Tak kisah, tapi kadang - kadang benda tak plan ambil waktu lebih lama dari yang kita jangka. Hari ini moto kata saya "double standard is everywhere, we could not realised it, do not expect too much." Eh dah kenapa ni tiba-tiba???

Today, we (human) judge another human by what they drive, where they lived (do they own houses), how many kids they have, how much they earn agaknya? Then, will be double standard of everything. Kalau tak up to the standard, mungkin tak kawan sangat la kot? 

Mungkin saya juga ada letak kan standard tertentu kepada persekitaran saya? Tak pasti. Perhaps!  

Dalam previous entry, I already told that if I am in high level of stress, saya akan dapat gastric, yes, again last Sunday saya kena gastric and one of my friend ask me to study on GERD. This time, I sleep on the toilet. To that extent. Muntah. Pain like h***.

I hated when I sick and I do hate if my spouse didn't understand my situation. She (a friend of mine) asked me to do further check up but government hospital is very like slow. She has no option rather than Serdang. I will do further check up on myself. I will make sure that I am totally fine and healthy inside and outside. In sya Allah. Mengenangkan ada dua umat kecil that still need my attention and a big baby whom I care since almost six years.

Sampai saat ni GERD tu masih belum di fahami. Hahhaahhaah. But the sebu still had not gone yet. Macam rasa tak sedap perut everyday. Constipation pun memang failed. I harap nothing is serious la.

Back to cerita double standard it happens in our cousin wed where in colour theme which our family wear totally different colour from the newly weds family but when it turn to the other side they wear slightly similar colour. This I called double standard. Ayat tu mungkin berbelit sedikit tetapi tak perlu difahami. Mungkin sebab keluarga belah kami kurang kaya berbanding keluarga sebelah lagi. Hahahhaah. It is life kan, I had no heart feelings on that. I only can smile!

I have being treated double standard many times, so I guess it is not our times yet. Hidup ni macam roda, kejap kau kat atas, kejap kau kat bawah. 

Masaalah bila kita rasa takde masaalah sangat but tiba-tiba kita pulak ada masaalah. I being told by ex officemate gossip terbaru lepas gosip I tak balik kampung lama tersebar meluas kat ofis lama, gaduh dengan mak bapak, ini gossip kata I got this problem with the uncle via ex boss and tak mahu balik for the wedding. I macam stone dah kat situ. 

Mungkin tak ada apa nak diperkata dah so, itu la gosip paling baru. Tapi I show up. Because I know how to respect. I am well educated. Yes, I am.

If again I say I could turn back time, I takkan kerja kat ofis lama where I spent 7 years there. I got this permanent head damange during the whole past 7 years, tortured by Miss S, Kak Z, Kak Az psyco by Rin, kena tuduh macam-macam, kena tiru signature and turn me into someone else. I promise myself I will forget of everything after I quit but it keeps haunting me all the times. Forgive but not forgotten. And I see all of them had a good life, which I still can't moved on thinking. 

And also at the end, the relationships with the uncle and also the auntie is not so good you know, its kinda thing.

My relationships with siblings also not so good lately and I promise to keep silence of everything. To find myself, trying to figure out who I was before and to be good you know. It maybe kita ada sakitkan hati sesiapa yang kita tak pasti sebab kita ni human je, lemah. I also keep away my children from anyone so that anybody won't feel the burden sebab anak-anak mummy memang sangat baik lately. Hahahahahahha. 

When I stress, I kinda got into fight with husband and therefore I feel lonely. Rasa nak flush diri dalam toilet bowl. Fuh fuh fuh. Gone. Hahahah. But I know Allah test people that He loved and I trust Allah loves me than I know. So, the only person that feels right to be in this time is my husband and trying to avoid any fight between us is the best solution. All I want is his time. 

And at the same time cari ruang waktu untuk diri sendiri. Cari - cari balik yang terbaik dalam diri dan terus istiqamah menjadi yang baik - baik dan berfikir positif sahaja.