J.I.H.A.D

Pagi - pagi mata dah berhabuk. Itula kalau baca all posts kat DSG. Cerita motivational; buat novel pun boleh, drama swasta pun boleh. You all never knew how was the journey untill you are in the same shoes. Cerita jatuh bangun. 

We called ourselves one of those doing jihad. Saat - saat burung - burung pun doakan kami. Waktu tertekan tiada apa boleh ditulis. Jihad tu terlalu luas pengertiannya. Bukan setakat pergi berperang. Please remember that. 

Our journey bukan takat duduk - duduk kat library, on FB, chat sana sini (even ada masa buat camtu). Hahahahahh. we lived, we eat and even when we dream, we dreams about our research. Gitu kau! Kadang - kadang baru nak tidur, ada idea nak tulis apa. Hahahahaahh

I rarely pergi library during Ramadhan . I got this one workstation at ipsis. I loved to stay there, alone, not knowing each other was better, dari menyembang je at the end. Tapi kalau ada accompany would be good too, boleh pegi lunch together and share some thought.

DSG Group memang wajib join for those buat research tak kisahla phd or master. Group Mybrain join for those yang dapat allowances. Kadang - kadang orang yang berjihad ni tanya soalan bukan - bukan jugak. Jawapannya boleh dapat IF YOU CAN READ! Memang harus kena sound kalau tanya soalan-soalan stupid in DGS or MyBrain wall. Tak tahu apesal Malaysian student ni malas sangat nak baca. Everything was there, all you need is to read, that's all.

Eh eh, ni peringatan untuk diri sendiri. Heeheheh. 

Mudah - mudahan perjalanan saya kali ini dilimpahi rahmat dan menjadi sesorang lebih baik, baik dari dalaman dan luaran dan semoga pengajian kali ini lebih mendekatkan diri ini dengan Yang Esa. In sya Allah. Aminnnn

Salam 21 Ramdahan

Salam 14 Ramadhan

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Harini dah 14 Ramadhan. Ya Allah cepat masa berlalu. Rasa macam semalam baru start puasa. Minta - minta di lambat kan Ramadhan kali ni. Jangan la cepat sangat.

Letih puasa kali ni lain macam rasanya. Pagi tadi kelam kabut sebelum keluar pergi ipsis, tak jumpa gelang nikah and cincin tunang. Dia punya kelam kabut dah macam apa. Ada je dalam beg. Bila mata dibutakan hati. Melulu tak tentu pasal.

Rutin selepas habis training tu mula-mula I tought I just stay je kat library but since Ida pun dah deliver, dia dah siap defence semua, so macam malas nak pergi library dah. I choose ipsis, workstation baru. Sampai setiap pukul 10. Hahahah. Tapi still ada parking lagi. Takla teruk sangat macam fac.

I nak defence October ni whatever it takes. Harini dah 1st July. Hopefully dapat siapkan 200 pages (sekarang baru 23). I don't want to lose hope. Huhuhuh. Kena siapkan cepat sebab nak pergi buat proofreading lagi. Pharaprasing lagi. Ape lagi la semua.

Ya Allah tolong la hambaMu ini.

Ni Diyana defence

Ni Ida defence

Alhamdulillah kedua-duanya lulus!

Future Dr Diyana and Dr Yusmazida. My turn next! In sya Allah.

Basuh Kaki

Habit ni masa kecik-kecik dah ada. I can't help myself from doing this basuh kaki setiap sejam, dua jam..camtulah. Tapi bila kerja habit ni hilang. Just few months back (bila dah tak kerja) and I keep spend time at home kan, habit ni datang balik.

Sikit - sikit basuh kaki. And every time I am doing this, I smile, tersengih sorang -sorang sebab teringat kat mak yang asyik marah masa kecik - kecik dulu sebab asyik la basuh kaki.

Sebab macam ada rasa debu kat kaki so I love to wash my feet. Pastu rasa bersih, bila rasa debu balik pergi basuh balik. Hahaahah.

Ada habit kita susah nak hilangkan ni la salah satunya. Basuh kaki. Hahahhahaha.

Sambil tulis post ni pun senyum sorang-sorang.

Heehehhehe

Last Day..

Finally, I have finished training innovation in entrepreneurship known as tie. We are the pioneer of the program and the lecturers said it is going to be on compulsory for semester one student (even I am not so semester one kinda like that). Almost two months we work together, group assignment and so forth and on the last day tu sangat lah sedihnya. All of us are going back to our faculty (we are from different faculty).

The last assignment the presentation that we made to Alam (one of the public listed company) tu quit frustrated sikit. Camtu la. We learned that not everyone will appreciate value (what we tried to put in the company) because they think that they are better than us. Because they were in  the industry so many years. Semua orang just smiles along sebab we are an educated people tak boleh melatah terlampau cepat. Kena cool. 

The best part ever when one of the staff said to us "I don't believe in Malaysian education system, I came from zero, had only SPM." He said that in front of our professors, all those educated people and in fact, the managers all are masters graduated. Well, we don't judge you, either you have higher education or not, it is not our task. The only  tasks that we are trying to solve are your risk management. 

They are defensive then, bila kita suggest cakap semua dah ada solution tu, bila kita measure risk kat company dia, dia kata that is not the main issues. Come on la, berpijakla kat bumi yang nyata, we outsider see what you don't. That is why orang Melayu susah sangat nak sustain, that is the problem. Bila kat atas, lupa dah orang yang kat bawah ni. 

In my group, myself and Ninie je yang beria defence because I know that Abg Hafiz and Kak Saleha dah tak kuasa nak argue. The other group, Dayah je yang defence all way long. Farhan and Sha senyum je, Mzi dah buat muka. Another group, memang kena kaw dengan Abang Zul sampai CEO dia refuse to pandang muka Abg Zul.

In fact siap cakap, this is not the doctorate level, we expect more than you. Aiyo, this is free of charge kut, kalau berbayar tu lain cerita. Orang suruh buat sistem baru pun dia tak mahu buat, costing katanya.

I asked them (I am  HR management risk) ada tak overseas vacation? Takde. Sports day? Tahun ni tak ada, budget. Family day? Takde. You see, to the extent memang company kau tak best, how to keep your Gen Y from resigning? Then MD dia kata retain is not the issue, performance then. Masya Allah! Padahal turnover rate kau tinggi pakcik oi! And I said "Datuk, Gen Y need some value to stay." And he said, " I already give all, they still resign!" Tak mengaku jugak tu!

Bila fikir - fikir balik, geram juga. Kita bukan nak bergaduh, kita nak buat risk management. I will remember that pinky captain for the rest of my life. Kau cakap education takde value? My foot! Kau yang tak pandai belajar sampai masuk U, kau nak salahkan people like us!

After the final presentation, we got back to reality, back to our thesis. Ramai dah defence semester ni, but myself tak defence lagi. Kak sheri dah sound dah, "come on Dee, when is your turn?" Huhuhuhuhu

I already discuss with Dr SS, he already agree with my new variables, so  I will started writing la ni kak sheri. Please wish me luck. It is a long way to go.

To friends in TIE, I love you all. Keep it up. We should defence the greatest, with all the approaches. NABC la business plan la amende la. " Apa yang cuba jual dik?" Haahhahaah. Dayah, please remember the words. Hahahahah.

Life, please be good to me!

Ruang Waktu

I plan my day, even ada yang dah terkeluar dari planning. Tak kisah, tapi kadang - kadang benda tak plan ambil waktu lebih lama dari yang kita jangka. Hari ini moto kata saya "double standard is everywhere, we could not realised it, do not expect too much." Eh dah kenapa ni tiba-tiba???

Today, we (human) judge another human by what they drive, where they lived (do they own houses), how many kids they have, how much they earn agaknya? Then, will be double standard of everything. Kalau tak up to the standard, mungkin tak kawan sangat la kot? 

Mungkin saya juga ada letak kan standard tertentu kepada persekitaran saya? Tak pasti. Perhaps!  

Dalam previous entry, I already told that if I am in high level of stress, saya akan dapat gastric, yes, again last Sunday saya kena gastric and one of my friend ask me to study on GERD. This time, I sleep on the toilet. To that extent. Muntah. Pain like h***.

I hated when I sick and I do hate if my spouse didn't understand my situation. She (a friend of mine) asked me to do further check up but government hospital is very like slow. She has no option rather than Serdang. I will do further check up on myself. I will make sure that I am totally fine and healthy inside and outside. In sya Allah. Mengenangkan ada dua umat kecil that still need my attention and a big baby whom I care since almost six years.

Sampai saat ni GERD tu masih belum di fahami. Hahhaahhaah. But the sebu still had not gone yet. Macam rasa tak sedap perut everyday. Constipation pun memang failed. I harap nothing is serious la.

Back to cerita double standard it happens in our cousin wed where in colour theme which our family wear totally different colour from the newly weds family but when it turn to the other side they wear slightly similar colour. This I called double standard. Ayat tu mungkin berbelit sedikit tetapi tak perlu difahami. Mungkin sebab keluarga belah kami kurang kaya berbanding keluarga sebelah lagi. Hahahhaah. It is life kan, I had no heart feelings on that. I only can smile!

I have being treated double standard many times, so I guess it is not our times yet. Hidup ni macam roda, kejap kau kat atas, kejap kau kat bawah. 

Masaalah bila kita rasa takde masaalah sangat but tiba-tiba kita pulak ada masaalah. I being told by ex officemate gossip terbaru lepas gosip I tak balik kampung lama tersebar meluas kat ofis lama, gaduh dengan mak bapak, ini gossip kata I got this problem with the uncle via ex boss and tak mahu balik for the wedding. I macam stone dah kat situ. 

Mungkin tak ada apa nak diperkata dah so, itu la gosip paling baru. Tapi I show up. Because I know how to respect. I am well educated. Yes, I am.

If again I say I could turn back time, I takkan kerja kat ofis lama where I spent 7 years there. I got this permanent head damange during the whole past 7 years, tortured by Miss S, Kak Z, Kak Az psyco by Rin, kena tuduh macam-macam, kena tiru signature and turn me into someone else. I promise myself I will forget of everything after I quit but it keeps haunting me all the times. Forgive but not forgotten. And I see all of them had a good life, which I still can't moved on thinking. 

And also at the end, the relationships with the uncle and also the auntie is not so good you know, its kinda thing.

My relationships with siblings also not so good lately and I promise to keep silence of everything. To find myself, trying to figure out who I was before and to be good you know. It maybe kita ada sakitkan hati sesiapa yang kita tak pasti sebab kita ni human je, lemah. I also keep away my children from anyone so that anybody won't feel the burden sebab anak-anak mummy memang sangat baik lately. Hahahahahahha. 

When I stress, I kinda got into fight with husband and therefore I feel lonely. Rasa nak flush diri dalam toilet bowl. Fuh fuh fuh. Gone. Hahahah. But I know Allah test people that He loved and I trust Allah loves me than I know. So, the only person that feels right to be in this time is my husband and trying to avoid any fight between us is the best solution. All I want is his time. 

And at the same time cari ruang waktu untuk diri sendiri. Cari - cari balik yang terbaik dalam diri dan terus istiqamah menjadi yang baik - baik dan berfikir positif sahaja.

Disaster..

Dring our training tu on the second week tu ada convo in the university for postgraduate students. Unfortunately, in the middle of convo, hujan turun lebat and uitm macam kena landa gempa bumi. Hahhaahah. Ok, itu exaggerate je. Look at the pictures below.

Kasihan parents and people who involved. Habis kereta mereka, tapi tak ada nyawa yang melayang. Alhamdulillah.

Training..

I am going to spend the next hours writing about my training. I'm warning... post ni sedikit boring nanti. Hehhehehe.

Last month, Niza (a friend of mine which a lecturer in itm kedah) asked me to join this one training on innovation in entrepreneurship, which so related to my topic. So I agree and the training start early on May.

During the first weekend we have no idea what it will be about, which end up more to create an innovative product in our PhD  research.. Camtula bunyinya. Without knowing that one of the panel is Dr SS. Great! I didn't tell him, konon. Akhirnya dia yang lead for industry hosted. Hermm.

On the first week tu ada Prof Mazani and Dr Ja as a speaker. Ada presentation, case to do etc etc. Dr J asked us to transform one old building in UiTM and the idea combined he is going to be presented to the upper level. Nampak tak? Diorang kerah idea kami and used it? Hahahhaahahh. It doesn't matter for the sake of education. Kan?

With prof Mazani yang baju hitam tu.

Projek layang - layang namanya.

Tak terbang layang - layang tu.

Hahhahaahha

With Dr J yang pakai baju maroon long sleeve.

Bukan abang yang white hair tu.

Abang tu Datuk Zul, head of supply chain of UMW.

He is student.

Hahhahah

Ding my presentation on first week with Mazida and Abang Zul.

First week ni module dia Opportunity Creative and Innovative Thinking. Venue in MTDC quit selesa and spacious jugak la. We  are the pioneer on this particular training. Kira macam group pilot testing la.

Weekend nya I kena attend seminar on IGS which SPSS. Rasa macam dah full dah unday tu but I gagahkan jugakla myself study, tulis notes whatever. This is for research purpose jugak kan.

Training 2 hari ni betul- betul memenatkan. Tu Prof Fuzziawati, SPSS expertise. She is really good, she is. Banyak benda I adapt for my research.

The second week, my ex beloved lecturer yang pernah ajar marketing mas MBA dulu, Dr Zarina is a speaker. Ada aktiviti juga. Tapi tak ada gambar yang diambil. Tired sebab dia kerah otak kita thinking of the byproduct that we are going to produce. Crazy betul this time.

Lepas tu ada sessi interview and product that our partner (ada partner) wanted to give as a gift. My partner Nini dia nak belikan sport shoes for her husband something like that and I have to buit prototype? Sound crazy?? Yes it is. Tengokla prototype yang I buat tu seperti di atas.

Habis second week, then I ada satu lagi seminar end week tu on SEM pulak with Prof Ramayah. Can you imagine how hectic the week for me?

It is AMOS Software. How you build your chapter depends on your research Q and therefore you must know whether nak guna SPSS, PLS, SEM and etc. At least on basic level ye. Prof Ramayah ni mahal k, so bila IGS organize free, cepat-cepatlah booked. Rugi kalau tak pergi.

(pic later)

Masuk third week je masing - masing nampak keletihan. Ada yang WA sesama sendiri masa kelas. Semua dah kata letih and nothing to do with our PhD, it is just an additional value so that we will learn on how to innovate our research become product etc.

However, Prof Azam amd Prof Datin sangat membantu in third week ni. They are very nice. Siap ada hadiah bagai. Kena cipta logo la wahtever la. How to develop a business model from our research. It is kinda interesting sebenarnya.

This is my company logo that I created.

I took from internet and ubahsuai sikit.

And know what?

My group (my company) won the first medal.

Hahahhahahhaahahahah

Yeah, kami menang!!!

Hadiahnya coklat dari Dublin!

All of us on the third week.

Ada yang escape training sebab anak sakit, emak sakit.

My groupmate.

Ninie yang sangat bersungguh - sungguh.

And Sya yang banyak input.

Credit to them!

My myself doing presentation on the logo.

Nampak tak perempuan gemok baju purple tu.Sebab banyak makan free 3 minggu tu jadi gemuk!

On the last class, Dr Sofian datang dengan ceo of alam maritim because our next task will be risk management pronciple with industry.

Yang berdiri ni la my supervisor, Dr SS!

Yang tengah Prof Razmi and kiri tu ceo of Alam Maritim, Datuk Azmi.

So next week punya tasks mencabar jugak so balik kena study on risk management. Next week kami semua akan ke Alam Maritime and balik ke mtdc seminggu untuk discussion and presentation with lecturer sebelum kami present to the company back.

So this weekend I am going to rest and continue my research paper. Till next post!