Since the day I am on delivery sampaila ke hari ni, ada banyak cerita yang tak dapat nak ceritakan. The emotion, the feelings, the struggling and everything seem wasn't right for me. I am trying to handle it, to face every challenging moments that happened for the past a month.
I am delivering my second baby on April 2nd and it was the scariest moment ever in my life. I have in trauma for a week and I couldn't forget the pain. I am trying to be positive each day and keep reminding myself that it only temporary and I will forget about it after a month. Yes, I did it. Now, after a month, I feel healthier and trauma has gone and I am writing this posts.
Yet, still remember for the early three weeks, I have been crying a lot. Cry, cry and cry. When people came to visit us (me and baby) I try to show happiness and some time feels like to thrown them away. Feels like to asked them out and shut the door. I NEED REST people! But actually I am happy to talk around, additional the people will say something nice like baby was cute, you reduce some weight and so forth.
A few incidents happen to me while I am in confinement.
1) Maid had gone. I am at home by 3rd at the night mak couldn't stay with me and asked the girl to look after me while she been away and she will be back the next day. So, through the night, we (me and the girl) take turn to take care of baby since he been crying. This is normal for baby to cry a lot at night at the first or 2 nights after delivery. Mak reach home the next day and carrying all her things, from her clothes to periuk. kuali semua bagai sebab she plan to stay longer with me. Of course, I am in confinement kan. Tiba-tiba pulak minah ni request for cuti for 3 days sebab alasan dia low blood pressure sebab tak cukup tidur kena stay up jaga baby. I am mad. 3 hari from Friday to Sunday. She talk to my mom first first and asked her to talk to me, but mak refuse and asked her to talk to me by herself.
When she confront me, I am about to burst because this Indonesian girl is never thankful for what we did for her. Ye, I am shouting and yelling at her at this moment because she is too much. We are in the middle of having so much things to do but she wants for cuti?? We already gave her weekend break last two weeks and now she trying to pijak kepala us pulak. I asked her, "siapa lagi sakit? Bibik ke saya?" All the way I shouted at her but mak calm me down.
She is only three weeks with us and I already gave her break the first week she arrived because she said that her cousin is going to married the weekend. We bought her top up (minus her salary), we made TT to Indonesia for her. What else she wants? I am telling you people, Indonesian is very bad people, I tell you.
The night after discussion with hubby, we refused to have her and let her go. I mean forever. I already made decision clear to her. If she go that night, don't come back. She say nothing but insist to go, you are most welcome. Anyway thank to Allah because I believe that everything had a reason kan? Selama 3 minggu ni pun, dia bebas watching tv and buat kerja rumah tak kemas. Takpela semoga bibik ni dapat majikan lebih baik. What you give you get back.
2) Hilang sijil kahwin dan surat beranak Marsya. Know what, dah puas mak, hubby, adik carik kat tingkat atas, dalam almari buku semua takde and now I was upstairs already da cari pun tak jumpa. Tak tahula misplaced kat mana. Then hubby decide to buat police report, buat sijil kahwin and surat beranak baru untuk Marsya. Then, baru boleh register surat beranak untuk baby. Ini pun stress jugak di buatnya sebab hubby asked me to remember where I put them. Manala nak ingat kan tengah dalam pantang. Emo trippin lagi! Emo dan nangis lagi.
3) Saya tak menyusu badan anak saya! Why? First two days tak ada susu and baby crying all the way. I tak fikir panjang, terus bagi formula. Kau sanggup ke dengar anak kau melalak-lalak setiap masa sebab tak cukup susu and the second day, left nipples berdarah sebab di gigit baby. He got tense sebab tak ada air, and he is so frustrated. Trauma lagi and and I am in emo lagi. So, I stop bf him and pump all the way. The third day breast pump jam!!!!! Padahal avent kut! Hubby beli baru electric breast pump for me sebab dia encourage me to fully bf baby tapi jam pulak and he send to Philips for repair. There was a man out there who didn't support their wife to fully bf their baby but my husband did! I didn't succeed, I FAILED! After 2 weeks, there are no more production milk and left my baby with fully formula. Don't judge me, you have no idea what I have been through!
Salute those mom who fully bf their child either exclusively or not. There were when people came by asked me to eat supplement la apela to encourage milk supply, I just stone. I am scared actually, do I have the courage to pump, storage or whatesoever to fully bf my baby? Rajin ke aku? I tanak fikir banyak, I just gave him formula. Stop!
4) Episiotomy. Ini adalah episod kesakitan V yang tak berkesudahan. I told you that lots of issues while in confinement kan. This is one of them. This is episiotomy as seen below.
Dia macam gunting senget sebelah kanan (for mine). The 7th day, nurse came over to my house and told me that jahitan itu melecet. OMG. Patutlah perit-perit all the way. Nak bergerak punyalah perit. Nurse suruh lebih jaga kawasan V. Basuh selalu dengan air garam. tukar pad selalu, letak antiseptik. Oh, sangat rumit penjagaan nya. Again, episod air mata yang berpanjangan. Plus, susah nak buang air besar. Cuba tengok kawasan jahit and anus tu jauh tak? Tak kan, so trauma nak membuang air besar itu sentiasa ada. At the end, I asked hubby to bought laxative. Each time rasa tak bolegh buang, bubuh satu dalam punggung.
When I read around, this type of stitch its usually for those first delivery. Sebab bila anak kedua, selalunya process tu lagi senang and sometimes ada yang tak payah jahit langsung. Untung kan? Tapi takpela, its over and syukur tak ada kejadian yang tak di ingini. I still can have normal delivery, my baby sempurna sifatnya. Alhamdulillah.
On 6th may 2013 (35days) I got check up with Doc Mazita. Doc bagitau yang jahitan tu dah tercantum balik and I dah sihat. Alhamdulliah, issue on jahitan, pantang, sakit semua dah berakhir pada tarikh itu dan cabaran lain akan bermula.
